Listen. If we can't break the ice, how about we drown it ?
There are three king who are ruling the world till now... Smo-king, Drin-king and Fuck-king!
You're legally allowed to drink now, so we figured the best thing for you was a car.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance ?
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway .
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
I think animal testing is a terrible idea, they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Listen. If we can't break the ice, how about we drown it ?
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"...Didn't give me choice there, did ya sunshine?
When people say "life is "shorts" . What the hell? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer ?
When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here ?
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything .
I'm in my own little world , but it's okay they know me here .
Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation .
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing .
Love may be blind , but marriage is a real eye-opener !
Don't play stupid with me ... I'm better at it .
Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid , I'll take over .
Roses are red , violets are blue , God made me pretty , what happened to you ?
I can only please one person per day . Today isn't your day... and tomorrow don't look good either .
I like you . You remind me of when I was young and stupid .
It's not that I'm antisocial . I just don't like you .
Don't follow me, I'm lost too !
I refuse to answer that question on the basis that I don't have the answer .
Smile, and the world will smile with you . Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs .
You can fall from the sky, you can fall from a tree , but the best way to fall is in love with me .
Each day I get up in the morning praying to God , that everyone should get a friend like you... why should only I have to suffer !
Ociffer . I swear to drunk I'm not God . There's no blood in my alcohol system . That's my stick and I'm story to it .
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to tell you how I really feel .
If looks could kill, you would be a weapon of mass destruction .
We never really grow up ; we only learn how to act in public .
I stopped listening... so why don't you stop talking ?
Fat people are harder to kidnap .
If you ever want to see a man cry ... Put a beer in one hand and naked woman in the other .. and ... MAKE HIM CHOOSE !
I'm not supposed to be normal.. I'm supposed to be me .
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s**t .
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful .. hate me because your man think I'm .
The doctor tells me I'm crazy , but the voices tell me I'm not . And I just don't know which one to believe .
God made Coke , God made Pepsi , God made ---NAME---- so darn sexy .
Don't stick your tongue out at me, unless you intend to use it ...
Let's discuss right and left . You're RIGHT . I LEFT .
If you can't convince them, confuse them .
I can't play stupid with you , you're too good at it .
Don't do it in the garden. Love is blind but the neighbors aren't .
It's not lost . I just can't find it .
I like breathing , it's a sort of habit I have .
If you promise to stop talking , I promise to stop making funny faces when aren't looking .
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me .
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out . And if you don't stop it ... he seriously just might eat you
Rule #1 : I'm always right
Rule #2: If I'm ever wrong
please see rule #1
Experience is the worst teacher . It gives the test before presenting the lesson .
It's not bad , it's just illegal .
What makes men chase woman they have no intention of marrying ? The same reason why dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving .
Your lips keep moving , but all I hear is " BLAH BLAH BLAH " .
Have you ever lost someone you never had ?
Love me or leave me ... HEY ?????? Where's everybody going ??
Don't piss on my back and tell me it's raining .
It's really hard to wait for the right person in your life , especially when the wrong ones are sooo HOOOT .
Essays should be like skirts. Long enough to cover the subject , but short enough to keep it interesting .
Fear me - I have an imagination you never saw coming .
When I say LOL , I'm not laughing out loud . I just have nothing better to say .
I wanted to send you something sexy , but the mailman told me to get out of the postbox .
